Importance of allowing our children to "Relax, Breath & Just Be".

   Parents love keeping their kid's busy. It seems it has become a new interwoven fabric in today's parenting. On Monday; its karate, then play rehearsal, Tuesday; piano lessons, therapy, after school homework help, Wed; clarinet lessons, social group club, Thur;....Well this pattern continues right on into the weekend, where they have basketball-soccer-softball games, stop at grandma's house, over indulgence on X-box (3-4 hours of screen time), followed by another 3-4 hours of IPAD time, and before you know it, the weekend is over, and back to Monday madness....again!! With all that, there seems to be no time to even relax, breath or just be. Well "relax, breath and just be" will be the theme here, as it is highly important and beneficial to give our kids a break sometime, and teach them the importance of doing so, and not always having to be busy!

    It seems many Kids these days, of all ages, are just way over-anxious, restless, worried or on- edge. Well that makes sense, when their parents are also over-anxious -worried & on-edge. Parent's with overloaded, high stress work schedules, working more hours than ever to support their families; news media saying its unsafe for your child to play outside unsupervised! Also the contagion factor, as it might seem that "Every parent is pushing their child into competing with one another, whether its to get into that top college, the lead role in the school musical or the star of the team in an organized sport". This can beg the question, "Am I bad parent if I don't sign my child up for enough extra-curricular activities? All the other parents are doing it!". There is of course a fine line between healthy competition and creating a generally over-anxious child. Too many of these extra-curricular activities and the child barely even has time to do their homework. That, or homework is rushed in between activities, winds up incomplete or the child stays up later/wakes up earlier to complete all of it, which often impacts their sleep! While there most certainly are a lot of stressors that come with being a parent & keeping your child safe, it is often these very stressors/worries that are learned from &/or transmitted directly from the parent to the child. Also aside from impacting children emotionally, too much stress can also cause health problems (Even in children), eating disorders, impact their grades, academics and lead to many difficulties down the road.

    There have been various studies citing such some of these stressors/pressures put on children, Including a 1997, University of Michigan study that has indicated: "American kids' lives have become increasingly structured." Also the Chicago tribune has stated that, "Since 1981, free time has dropped, while time spent doing homework and playing organized sports has jumped." Clearly, this has been ongoing, for quite some time. The growing number of children who compete in year-round sports at elite levels even prompted the American Academy of Pediatrics to warn that "such intense training can injure developing bodies -- and psyches."

    There are of course many benefits of taking a break, just slowing down and simply put, not being as busy. Numerous health studies have indicated that Its good for our stress level, blood pressure and overall health- physical well being. It is also a great way to build a stronger bond-relationship with your child.

    Some great ways to slow down, breath & just be, would be to take a nap or just lie down and relax after a long day of school. A middle of the day nap can also do the trick. These can help improve focusing-concentration, as well. Also meditation or Yoga have  been shown by many studies to be extremely helpful in promoting relaxation, reducing stress-anxiety. Or simply put, just breathing. Focusing on a relaxing, peaceful thought and taking slow, deep breaths can also be helpful. Or instead of doing structured play and activities all the time, how about unstructured? By that, I mean play without rules or a purpose, just for a little while, each day. This can help take some of the competition, structure and routine out of everyday life, and put your child into a more free flowing relaxing place. Examples of this are Random free- association drawing, coloring, singing or just playing a game, without competition or just play for the "fun of it"...It can also be important to letting your child pick their own activity, for one day each week or month, instead of signing them up for activities the parent wants them to do. Also instead of 3-4 after school activities, how about just 1-2? Reducing these activities can create more opportunities for free time or time to chill out & relax. Better yet, it provides more time for "Family bonding activities" that can be done together (Now when was the last time that happened?), rather then the fragmentation of families that often occurs when each child is engaged in their own after school activities. As for more physically active activities, well there are plenty. Perhaps a nice hike or stroll in the park can also help take the stress out of our everyday lives. When walking through the trails, don't forget to inhale the scent and smells, and see how this elevates our mood. A nice walk around the block can also do the trick, follow this by relaxing outside for a bit on a chair or just laying down on the grass, outside in the back yard. The good news is these are all things you can also do with your child, as a way of bonding & improving your relationship; in addition to being stress relieving, so they are multipurpose.

    Yes, it is good to not always be busy, to take a break, just to get back to being human, and not always having to worry about being somewhere or some place! Children now-a-days are pre-programmed to always be busy doing something, however it is only because we have programmed them this way over time!. We need to take a step back, and look at the big picture, instead of constantly being immersed in this busy, high stress world we live in, all the time. We as a society have forgotten how to slow down and just relax, however it is important to remember on an individual level how much it can really help us, to relax, breath and just be, creating that ultimate balance in our lives between working hard & just relaxing or doing nothing!

The views expressed in this blog-article are based on both my opinion, observations & some research. In content, this is an opinionated blog, not intended as a professional reference, to self diagnose or substitute professional help in any way, shape or form.

Written By: Dan Blane,  MSW, LCSW.
Psychotherapist in New Jersey.

Sources:
-The Royal Australian College of Psychiatry
-University of Michigan
-The Chicago Tribune