WHY DO THE HOLIDAYS BRING ON DEPRESSION & SADNESS?

 For many the holiday season brings joy, cheer, positive energy and families together.
It is a season of giving, and cherishing those we love & care about... And for some, its about pretending to cherish those we really can't stand the rest of the year! For some holiday season isn't all that fun at all. For this group of people, its anything but "the most wonderful time of year"... The holidays can often bring about mood issues, anxiety, stress and depression. It can trigger anger/frustration and often bring out the grinch in some. For others it triggers drinking, or other substance use- relapse or even suicide attempts....

So why is that?

1-Loneliness: Being lonely on the holiday is the #1 reason for holiday depression. Not everybody has a family, or at least a close one. Not everyone has friendships, or at least supportive ones. Seeing "everybody else" bond with their family and friends can be very agonizing and depressing for those who wish they had what they perceive "everybody else has". Of course, they feel they are the only ones who feel alone, so that makes them feel even worse. Of course this is not true, many people feel like this, which is why depression & drinking rates are so high, during the holidays.

2-Grief/loss re triggered: Losing somebody either through death or breaking up/separating is one of the most difficult and devastating things a person can go through. The Holiday’s can often re trigger those feelings of loss and grief, even losses that are NOT so recent. You might be reminded of holiday memories you had with the person, who is no longer here. This can make holidays very difficult.

3-Drinking: Alcohol use is much more likely during the holiday season.  Its at the holiday parties, holiday dinners, gatherings, you name it, its almost embedded into the holiday culture! Simply put: The more drinking, the more depression, since alcohol is a natural depressant, the more you drink, the more likely it is to cause depression or low mood. People are also triggered to drink more during the holidays, due to feeling lonely or depressed. This further increases these feelings and so the person will drink more to feel less...This creates that vicious cycle.

4-Fantasy Vs Reality: Many adults often feel like children again during this time of year, and children have that natural sense of fantasy and imagination. For them, the holidays can be a magical time of the year, with snow, Santa, elves and a magical winter wonderland. It is kind of a drag to realize that none of this really exists (Well, snow does!). However, coming out from that "fantasy holiday world" as we'll call it, and crashing back down into the realities of the holiday season, such as: Christmas shopping, the stress & pressure of the holiday season, traffic-gridlock on the roads, and the reality check that maybe their life is just kind of ordinary or even boring (compared to this fantasy holiday world). Also, maybe they're not all that happy with their own life to begin with. This can be very depressing and plain sad for some.

5-Less day light: This can also have an affect on your mood. December is the month with the shortest days and least amount of daylight. Simply put, less hours of daylight disrupt the body’s internal clock, as well as drops the serotonin levels, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that affects the mood, and also disrupts other hormones, all of which can cause depression.  

6-Too much stress: Cooking, cleaning, shopping, entertaining guests, worrying about pleasing the guests, traffic and traveling are all big sources of holiday stress & anxiety. The stress can often lead to depression or can accompany it. The person might cope by drinking and/or use substances, which of course furthers the person’s low mood and depression. So yes, stress is a huge risk factor for Depression & low mood. It is emotionally draining on a person and just makes you sometimes wish you could just stay in bed & sleep all day!…Now wouldn’t that be nice?

SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?

1-Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t try to hide them. If you are sad or feeling low, it’s a good first step to recognize it and not deny it. Also if it is feelings of grief or loss you are feeling,  it is important to acknowledge that too and allow yourself to grieve, even if its painful to relive those feelings. Its always better than holding them in or denying them.

2-Talk with somebody. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, coworker, community support or someone you trust, to tell them how you feel. Don’t hold it in. You might even find that they share the same kind of holiday depression that you have. More people experience holiday depression than you would think!

3-Taking a break & getting good rest. If it is stress that is impacting your mood, maybe its time to take a break. Do something fun, that you enjoy doing. Also taking a nap or just relaxing, can lower your anxiety and elevate your mood. Sleeping well at night is also vital, 8 hours at least is recommended.

4-Avoid the triggers. While its always better to cope with your problems, rather than run away from them, some of the "little things" might just not be worth paying attention too. Choose your battles. Not paying attention to some of those little annoyances or irritants that can negatively impact your mood, at least in the short term, can provide some relief. If holiday music is triggering your mood, than listen to some other types of music, if you can, that you enjoy. Good music is one of the best mood boosting therapies!

5-Staying healthy. Keeping a healthy, well balanced diet is certainly importantly.  Physical exercise and staying active/productive can also boost your mood. Also, don’t drink to deal with stress or depression, this will likely increase the depression and make your mood even lower & worse.

6-Think positive. Try to focus on the positive aspects of the holiday season. Maybe its not all bad, maybe there are some good, redeemable qualities that the holiday season has after all. Its important to acknowledge those positive things!

7-Get professional help. Sometimes the holiday depression & anxiety is just too much for one to bear and manage on their own.  Consulting with a professional in the mental health field can sometimes be what is needed, to make the difference. If you are feeling suicidal or thinking about ending your life or harming yourself, you can call: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline).

So...With that said, there is plenty of hope & promise for all those holiday “no-goers”. The holidays can be the best of times or the worst of times…or for many of us, just another day and time of the year.
It is all about what you make of it! Happy Holidays!

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By: Dan Blane, MSW, LCSW.
Clinical Social worker/Psychotherapist in New Jersey.